Should I Stay or Return to India? The Dilemma That Never Leaves Me

“Torn between two homes—India behind, the U.S. ahead. Where do we truly belong?”

“Every time I book a ticket to India, I ask myself—am I going home, or am I just visiting a memory? And sometimes, I wonder… have I brought my children too far from their roots, or have I gone too far to turn back?”

When I first landed in the United States, I carried with me a suitcase full of dreams, a heart full of hope, and a mind brimming with ambition. Like many Indians who cross continents in search of opportunity, I came here for a better life—better education, better job, better future. The path seemed promising, the possibilities endless.

I’ve now lived in the US for nearly two decades. Built a career. Bought a house. Raised a family. On paper, I’m the immigrant success story. But in the quiet corners of my mind—usually when I’m lying awake at night or watching my kids breeze through another American school day—I hear the same question over and over again :

Should I go back to India?

Behind every success story in the diaspora, I believe, lives this quiet, unspoken dilemma.

It sounds like a simple question. But it carries the weight of every choice I’ve made since the day I left. And as the years pass, as my children grow more American than Indian, that question grows louder, heavier, more urgent.

The Dream and the Departure

The decision to move abroad isn’t made lightly. It’s a blend of aspiration, fear, and the need to prove something—both to ourselves and to those we left behind. The day I received my visa, I remember my relatives saying, “He’s going to America!” like I had reached the moon.

But the excitement fades. Reality sets in. New customs, unfamiliar faces, loneliness. You miss the festivals, the smells, the chaos, and the comfort of knowing you belong. Every grocery run, every Skype call back home, reminds you how far you’ve come—and how far you are from where it all began.

Building a Life Here

We adjust. We adapt. We find joy in small victories—first car, first home, kids born here. The U.S. offers opportunity, structure, and stability. We start building a life that feels permanent. We develop a second family in our friends. We build routines, careers, memories.But even amid the comfort, there’s a tug at the heart.

A Comfortable Life—But at What Cost?

My kids speak more English than my mother tongue. They know Halloween better than Diwali. Their roots? Confused at best. Ask them where they’re from, and they’ll pause—“India... I guess?”

That pause haunts me.

Sometimes, I wonder—have I brought my children too far from home? Or have I come too far to turn back?

We, the parents, lived our lives chasing dreams. And in doing so, did we rob our children of a deeper connection to their heritage? One day, when they’re grown, will they ask why we didn’t return to India when we had the chance?

The Pull of India

India calls to us in quiet, persistent ways—a WhatsApp from my father talking about his check-up, a cousin’s wedding I couldn’t attend, a Diwali where the diyas are digital.

It’s not just nostalgia. It’s a longing. For the language. For the taste of street-side bhel puri. For temple bells and family arguments and neighbors who know your whole story. For belonging.

The Guilt No One Talks About

When I video call my parents, sisters , relatives... I see them slowing down. I hear the longing in their voices. “Come back…. Just come back,” .

And I smile. But inside, I ask myself—why can’t I?

Then I look at my kids and wonder—if I uproot them now, will they resent me? They didn’t choose this dilemma. We did. That guilt... it doesn't go away.

Fear of Losing Roots

What scares me the most is not career disruption or school transfers—it’s the idea that our family tree may be losing its roots.

Will my grandchildren speak our language? Will they experience the madness and magic of Indian weddings? Or will India become just a vacation spot—a story in a photo album, not a place in their soul?

The Practical Reality Check

Going back isn’t just about emotions. It’s about schools, jobs, healthcare, savings, elder care. It’s about whether we can reintegrate into a culture that’s evolved without us.

Some who return find disillusionment—unspoken social expectations, professional bureaucracy, and a lifestyle they forgot they had once left. Others return and rediscover purpose, connection, and peace.

Caught Between Two Homes

Every trip to India brings me joy—and discomfort. It’s familiar, but I’m no longer the person I was when I left. And when I return to the US, I feel settled—but incomplete. In America, I have success. In India, I have soul. And sometimes, being in both worlds feels like being in neither.

What’s the Right Choice?

There’s no perfect answer. Staying may mean better opportunities for our kids—but perhaps at the cost of cultural dilution. Returning may mean reclaiming identity—but perhaps at the cost of everything we’ve built here.

Every Indian immigrant I know has asked this question at some point. Some act on it. Some bury it. I’m somewhere in between—still wrestling with it, still hoping for clarity.

Maybe the Answer Isn't in the Move—but in the Meaning

Maybe it’s not about the place, but about how we live. Maybe staying doesn’t mean forgetting. Maybe returning doesn’t mean regret.

I speak my language at home. I tell my kids stories of my childhood. We celebrate Sankranti and Diwali with the same energy as Thanksgiving. We cook, we pray, we pass on. Maybe these are the small bridges between two worlds.

In the End…

I may or may not move back to India. But I know one thing: I want my children to feel proud of where they come from. I want them to carry India in their hearts, even if their feet are planted in another land.

Because home isn’t always a place. Sometimes, it’s a feeling we pass on.